Disappointment...hope

Milestone birthday and no milestones achieved

What do you do when you seem to be lost while travelling the road map of your life

The GPS keeps spewing directions but somehow you can't seem to reach the desired location

In some cases you realize that you've driven up and down the same street over and over again

How do I get out of here?

Shortest distance?

Fastest time?

It's beginning to feel as though the voice on the GPS is mocking me

And as the tears of frustration roll down my face...all I can hear is

"Turn right at the next intersection"

"Next left"

Right turn in five miles"

And I go 5 more miles...10 more miles...15 more miles...still driving and no right turn...

Just wilderness...nothing to see, nothing to celebrate

Just me tired of driving and not reaching where I started off for 30+ years ago

Wanting sometimes to just stop moving and wait for someone to come and point the way or better yet someone else who will drive

But I can't sit and do nothing and so I begin to drive again

And I follow the directions

And although I've driven this way before I look out the window withe new eyes

And I see different things and meet new people

And the GPS continues to give directions as I follow

And although I still cannot see my destination...I keep driving

Because I know this GPS knows the ultimate destination

For my GPS ...it's God's Positioning System.

Arriving at the airport

One of my favourite movies is "Love Actually." I especially enjoy the opening scene where the narrator speaks about standing up in Heathrow airport and seeing people arriving and being greeted by family, friends, loved ones, spouses, significant others. Love is visible as people can be seen running to greet their loved ones who've been away for days, weeks or months. And I know that this is what makes arriving at the airport and having to take the train home by your self to an empy apartment, sometimes almost diminishes the excitement and euphoria of the recently completed travel experience. There is always a part of you that's secretly longing that there will be someone on the other sde of the tarmac waiting to greet you, hug you, kiss you and say welcome back, you were missed. Travelling is an amazing experience but travelling alone can be really daunting especially if you're not really good at striking up converstion with strangers or if you have a slight fear of flying :( It just feels as though the empty curbside outside the airport is another reminder of your aloneness in a world where everyone seems to have someone. And even when you have someone who meets you at the airport, because they're really here to pick up your travel buddy...so you get a ride home...but then you're dropped off at your place and then they're off to share with their friend/family all about the amazing time they had and you walk inside to wash the dishes you didn't get around to doing before you left or listening to the news anchor telling you all the latest stories as you sit and wonder in the aloneness of your room and watch the suitcase...too tired and too lonely to think of unpacking...that arrival terminal at the airport you can see some of the greatest expressions of love...but you can also see some of the greatest pains of loneliness.